Urbandictionary defines thinspo or thinspiration as 

“…two words (thin and inspiration) put together to create a simular but different meaning.The idea behind thinspo is that it helps motivate and inspire you to lose weight and become or stay thin. Thinspo is usually of photos of skinny or bony celebrities or models. It sometimes takes the forms of celebrities who have lost a great deal of weight.”

So I took a walk through Tumblr’s thinspiration/thinspo tags in search of my own photo/s to motivate me to lose weight and become well, fit. However, what I found didn’t give me an ounce of inspiration at all. Instead, I was overwhelmed with the content I went through. 

Apparently, thinspo is no light-hearted matter; it’s being taken to the extremes. As proof, here are some photos of what people take as “thinspiration”:

There’s also an obsession going around with getting thigh gaps

and pronounced hip and collar bones

even though in my opinion, people don’t necessarily go looking for these in every person they see. Plus, they (or the hipbones, at least) stay hidden under clothes most of the time.

And as if I wasn’t overwhelmed enough as it is, this

along with terms such as “pro-ana” and “pro-mia” just had to come to my attention. 

For first timers like me a while back, here’s what they mean:

Pro-ana refers to the promotion of the eating disorder anorexia nervosa. It is often referred to simply as “ana” and is sometimes personified by anorexics as a girl named Ana. The lesser-used term pro-mia refers likewise to bulimia nervosa and is sometimes used interchangeably with pro-ana.

It’s sick, really, how these terms even exist in the universe’s vocabulary. What of anorexia and bulimia is there to promote?! This post doesn’t mean to attack anyone. It isn’t out to discourage anyone from losing weight either. Just please, nothing drastic or anything like the last photo. If you have time to complain, then you’ll sure as hell have time to do something about it. I may be no dietitian or nutritionist but it doesn’t take one to know that starvation or purging ain’t the way to go. 

Writing this further strengthened my resolve to lose weight and to do it the right way: through exercise and watching what I eat. Like how it should be done. Remember what they used to teach us in elementary about having a balanced diet and all that jazz? It holds true; turns out teachers know their shit after all. 

You may think I am a skinny girl who has it easy what with the positivity that seems to shine out of my ass but truthfully, I was a fat kid. I still am, only a little lighter. Chubby, if you may. And life hasn’t been easy as both. But nevertheless, you gotta maintain a positive and cheerful outlook. Coupled with determination, it’s what’s going to take down those barriers and anything that’s standing in the way. Do it for yourself because you’re worth it. But while you’re at it, don’t forget the beauty that’s within. No matter how good you take care of our body, it’s just still going to be the outer casing. What’s real essential goes past the abs, the collarbones, hip bones, thigh gaps, and thin arms.

Now, with all of that said, go get ‘em tiger! 

I am telling you, nothing ever happens by chance and/or according to the way you had in mind. In today’s case, getting introduced to the guy you like after five months of on-and-off pining in addition to your usual sitting, waiting, and wishing. 

For the record, this was what I had in mind: our mutual friend would wave or have him over while I was fortunate enough to be in the vicinity (i.e. the same table, if we were in the cafeteria). Then they’d talk, with mutual friend gradually including everyone in the table in said convo with crush. After things get established and everybody’s comfy cozy, cue introduction. Crush leaves after having been introduced to some of the awesomest people he will ever meet in college while girl waits till he is out of sight to showcase her ear-to-ear grin and her cloud nine state of mind. Lights off. Curtains drop. End of show, press ESC to exit.

It’s nothing really big and I might have exaggerated the last part a teeny bit - save for my would-be reaction - but what I was going for was having the kind of introduction that would warrant at least, casual “hi-I-remember-you-we-shared-a-table-and-talked-once” acknowledgments in the hallways. You know what I’m sayin’?

Now out of my head and into real life, the actual introduction was quite a brief little thing: my friends - mutual friend included - and I we were hanging outside the RS office when he went there to pick something up. As soon as he was out of earshot, mutual friend immediately went, “Oh, good he’s here. Let’s introduce you two.” Having that ideal first encounter in mind, I refused. Though to no use because his mind was already set. So despite my cardiac muscles going on overdrive, I manned up like the girl that I was and readied myself for what was about to happen.

When crush finally emerged, mutual friend engaged him in convo and polished it off with the intros. I got introduced last, and while I was, I barely got myself to look at him. My heart was racing so damn fast I almost felt it in my throat! But I was relieved to see a hint of a smile (I hope that wasn’t just me) on his face and that made things a bit better. And just when I thought that that was that, mutual friend just had to, HE JUST HAD TO, tell him that I thought he was cute. IN A VERY AUDIBLE WHISPER, no less. (I’m sorry but for a pretty old-fashioned, reserved, shy girl like me, that is a form of suicide.) And with that, off he went and so commenced my not knowing what to feel, fretting, etc. My being wound up because it wasn’t what I had in mind the whole time also manifested itself. 

Somewhere along the second paragraph, I wrote this to expound on the thought:

Somewhat of a tall older for a first encounter, yes? But that’s just because I don’t want something fleeting. I don’t. When it’s something that I care about, more often than not, I want it to stay. There’s every chance he’d like me back and there’s also every chance he won’t but either way, I’d like the friendship (not that I can’t go any farther than that at this point) to remain intact.  

but ended up cutting it because I figured it was too early and too soon for such a thing. I still put it here though, because this was what made me realize I was putting too much weight and thought on a supposedly casual and normal situation. But maybe it’s just that I’m in this mindset that I need to make every moment matter because I rarely get to interact with this guy. (God, I sound so deprived. And I also have the tendency to make it seem like it’s the end of the world. I have to do away with this.)

Anyway, after mulling it over some more, I arrived at the conclusion that had the intro worked out the way I planned it to be, it still wouldn’t have been enough; some work must be put in and from both parties, no less. Don’t all relationships work that way? There’s definitely a next time - I’ll make sure of it -  and I’ll handle it better. 

Now that I’ve laid all of this down, the way I got so wound up sounds really unnecessary! But you know what? You learn. The world ain’t a wish-granting factory and there’s a reason that’s the way it is. Often because we have our sights set on the wrong things and it has something better in store for us.

P.S. My hair was on its best behavior today! It sorta has a mind of its own. Premonition, anyone? ;) 

Lust:  Something that I find attractive.
Pride: Something that I like about myself.
Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.
Envy: Something I wish I was better at.
Gluttony: One of my favorite foods.
Wrath: Something that gets me angry.
Greed: Something I can’t get enough of.

(via admiralzacpower)